This is Aaron. He is a nice and sweet boy from Indiana and moved here for college. He is a year older than me, loves to fly fish and is a full time photographer. I met him for a drink last week after a workout. I showed up in a hoodie, leggings and chucks not realizing that this is was a "date". I didn't abide by the dating dress code, clearly, but am getting a better idea of the definition. Ha. Anyhow, we talked for hours and laughed until my cheeks hurt and I needed to take a break. I like that he is a small town boy, calls me "dear" and has gentlemanly characteristics. I feel that he is just the perfect amount of masculinity with a nice balance of sensitivity. He is very adventurous, a badass and has a mysterious energy about him. He is my polar opposite in the zodiac chart, whatever that means.
I didn't intend to let him kiss me seeing as to how we were sitting across from each other. As he walked past me to use the restroom, he caressed my jaw bone, gave a little peck and walked away. Darn! It took my breath away...he turned back and smiled. We've been hanging out and watching movies. It's so new and, frankly, I'm still new but it's really nice and I can't see myself pulling away from whatever this is. This is fun, easy and I feel totally like myself. He seems to enjoy learning about me and accepting me as a person who grew up differently than he did without ever suggesting that I "should" do something instead of whatever I want. He is encouraging and I don't ever feel judged.
A part of me feels a little nervous anxiety at the idea of hanging out with a boy. My therapist said that this is "dating"...which, again, I clearly don't understand. I almost feel like I should still be mourning the loss of Carlos which scares me when I think I am moving on and enjoying my life as a newly single adult without past judgments attached to my personality. I feel like I don't necessarily trust my judgment only being 2 months out of a relationship. My therapist struggled with understanding why I was so torn about these new situations and reassured me that I was unhappy with Carlos for so long that I readied myself to be without him. I have such a hard time trusting myself right now. Am I being self destructive? I have an idea of what I want and don't want so, that counts for something? 2 months since the breakup and, boy, did that fly by. I rarely think of Carlos these days and it's really nice to be myself, a genuinely excited and happy person about the little quirks in life.